My mother was great at correspondence. She sent cards to her family and friends for every occasion. She sent Christmas cards every year. She wrote letters to her folks when she moved away from home. She and her siblings had a regular letter writing habit they called the Round Robin so everyone could stay in touch on a pretty regular basis.
I think she probably learned the art of “staying in touch” from her mother. I think she expected I would learn it from her.
Spoiler Alert -- I did not.
I have had bouts of being good at it throughout my adult years. I’ve even been known to write the occasional Christmas letter sharing more than I probably should have.
Consistency in this area, however, has always been, well, inconsistent. LOL (ahem, sorry)
For example, last year’s Christmas cards were postcards. I designed them (they were really cute!) and wrote a very brief personal note on each, but that was it. Postcards only.
I’ve no doubt that a few folks in my life wish I would get substantially better at sending cards and letters, and believe me, I have tried. Here’s why I struggle with it.
Why I Struggle
I spent the vast majority of my life being a giver, never expecting anything in return. That was usually the result, too. Getting nothing in return. No genuine thank you’s, no genuine appreciation. Even when the card (or gift, for that matter) was picked or designed specifically for the recipient.
You know the feeling. You’ve spent time looking for the perfect birthday or anniversary card, or even the perfect Christmas card, that had just the right picture or a well-written sentiment that seemed to fit the person exactly! Yet, after all of that, you get no acknowledgment that it was even received. Worse yet, you get a reply that feels like a slap in the face because the gift was out of character for you (even if it fit the recipient perfectly).
Then, when you realize that most people don’t even keep the cards or letters they receive, you start to wonder why go to all that effort in the first place.
Especially when you remember that most really nice greeting cards cost $4 or more these days!
Top that all off with the number of people I have special occasion dates for and, well, I just get overwhelmed and then I shut down.
Has NOTHING to do With Love
Let me make this perfectly clear. My not sending a greeting card or letter has absolutely NOTHING to do with my love for these people. I love them all and I want nothing more than happiness and well-being for them.
I say prayers for all of them regularly.
If we are connected via social media, I will comment or like or love what they share so they know I do care.
Here’s the (sort of) Apology
Why is this only “sort of” an apology? It goes back to expectations that others may have of me. A few of the people in my life may expect me to be better at staying in touch because it’s the right thing to do. Some that new my mother probably expected me to be more like her in this way, as well.
I appreciate that these folks may think I’ve let them down. I appreciate they may feel I don’t care enough about them to send cards for every occasion. That just simply isn’t the case.
I’m good at a great many things, yet this isn’t one of them. I would respectfully ask that if you are reading this post and feel slighted, it might be good to let go of expectations you’ve set for me and hopefully accept me as I am.
I’m a very flawed, very capable, very loving, person that is full of flaws (did I mention that part?).
And, so…
And, so, I’ll keep plugging away at my life as best as I know how.
I appreciate and care about every single person in my life whether family or friend. I truly am glad that they are living lives they seem to find fulfilling. Maybe I’ll get there someday, too.
Cheers!